BAD WEEKNIGHT

BEER 1: ZYWIEC

How can you go wrong with Poland's number 1 beer?

BY DRINKING IT.

Even the military fellow does not enjoy staring at this bottle.

I saw Zywiec (Zvwiec?) signs all over Brooklyn when I lived there.  And yet.  I never tried it.  Now, I can't say that that was a bad thing.

Here is a haiku

I cannot pronounce

I cannot enjoy either

Pabst?  No.  Sadly worse.

I take a sip and it reminds me of the sad days when I drank Coors from a can.  But forgot about the can for a few hours and came back and took a sip.  I would liken this beer to Red Stripe.  If Red Stripe had less flavor and was flatter.

And so my evening was unfortunate.  How could I let myself continue living for the night without a good beer?

Maybe I should buy a parrot and train it to say things.  Like "DON'T DRINK ZYWIEC!  AWWK"etc

Yeah I'd probably drink this at a barbecue or something.  If it was cold.  and the temperature outside was very hot.

Gah.

BUT I CANNOT LET IT END LIKE THIS.

BEER 2 - Deschutes - Hop in the Dark

Oh Deschutes.  I love most of your beers.  ...though when I went to your taproom in Portland your Doppel Dinkel Bock murdered my soul with bananas and bubblegum...  Ahem.

Apparently this is an American Dark/Black Ale.  I'm hoping for a Lagunitas Nighttime kinda drank right now.  Whatever it is, I have faith in Deschutes.  

It tastes... flat.  Why is it flat.  This is a 3D world.  Wha-

Well, it's still better than Zywiyick.  But this tastes off.  It shouldn't taste off.

Your picture is so good, and yet... this is very subpa-

Shit.  I'm 2 months off the "best by" date.  Dammit.

I'll have to take a raincheck on this one.  Apparently HitD doesn't age well.  Bad night, I guess.  No good beer and I'm set back a few bucks in a depressing way.

argh

Well, on the other hand, I found this the other day -

And apparently it has spaghetti in it.   And is rated highly online!

I'm gonna go wash my mouth out.  And have a slice of pie.  Obama is about as disapproving as I am right now.  Bad luck tonight.  I shall return.

Shout out to the American Rifleman magazine for getting the absolutely most hilarious Obama pictures ever.  He looks so annoyed and evil in this haha

-Jack Moro